B. Dillon – Deliver Me

Bethany Dillon’s newest album “Everyone to Know” came out early last month and this song has been on replay since.  It breaks my heart every time I hear it.  “Deliver Me.” Be blessed by it.

Lyrics:

Deliver me from my prideful mind

It weighs heavier on me all the time

What a silent, yet, such a deadly crime

To think that I own my own life

So humble me just like You did

The king who lost his mind in the wilderness

And don’t let me go back

Until I confess

You are the only God

-

Deliver me from my hateful thoughts

I’m committing murder in the presence of God

Break my heart just like David’s was

With a weeping, pregnant widow in my house

How can I despise my brother

When I killed Your only begotten Son

Help me prefer another and say

You are the only God

-

This morning my alarm went off

Earlier than I’d ever want

And in this small obedience, Lord

Help my heart stay bowed down

Father, You’ve given Jesus

All those He will raise up

And all eyes, including mine, will see

You are the only God

tear down the walls

It’s been a few days.  My apologies.  How are you guys??  *smiles*

Let me redeem myself.. (although it’s not an excuse) I’ve been busy preparing for India.  I’ll be leaving Tuesday.  Yes, you heard correctly.. less than 1 week left.  God’s been so faithful.. His hand has been all over the preparation of the trip.  I’ll be back to the States on the 24th.. so please keep myself and the team in prayer.

I’m excited about this trip for many reasons.  One reason that has been close to my heart is that our team comes from different backgrounds, racial groups, our ages vary from early-twenties to mid-seventies, and we all are labeled under various denominations.  The Lord has placed this massive burden on my heart for “tearing down the walls.”  I’ve developed this ridiculous angst about “religion” and everything I have made that term become.  I look forward to the day when I am not labeled by my denomination or by my youth, rather for my broken and relentless heart for the Lord.

I didn’t understand the weight to tearing down walls.  In my own life I had these massive non-breakables.. honestly, it put the Great Wall to shame.  Slowly the Lord has begun tearing down my own walls and comforts that I have built up for myself.  As long as walls exist, strongholds continue.  I’ve come to this point in my life where nothing frustrates me more than being weighed down by uneccessary strongholds.  Strongholds that I have intentionally and unintentionally created.  I’m thankful that He never ran away in frustration when my walls went up.. rather, in love, He continued to tear them down brick by brick.

Here I am.

God, use me.  Without walls holding me back from Your calling, help me do what I was created to do..

Something that has me cringe at times because I’m inadequate in doing it without Your help and I mess it up all the time.

Help me love with my walls down.

‘My gosh, this girl finally gets it..’

October first friends.

How does it feel to you?  I feel so .. hmm.. trying to think of the word.. awakened.  Yah, that word will work for now.  As I stare out the window the leaves are changing from a luscious green to a faded off-set of green.  They haven’t reached their element of yellow, red, orange, and so on.. but it’s getting there.. and I love observing the transition.

Anyways, that was me thinking out loud.  Back to what I wanted to share with you guys.  Let me re-position myself away from the window or it will be ADD left and right from my end, and this blog entry will never get accomplished!

Maybe it’s the control freak in me that desires to be perfect with no flaws, but it’s been quite the challenge going before God and repenting of my wicked heart.  I’m going to have to say going before the Lord daily and repenting of who I am sometimes feels like a broken record.  I feel frustrated FOR God (as though He needs my frustration.. ha!) continuously at His feet (literally) every morning .. every night.. repenting of the evil and wickedness in me.  It makes me wonder if He thinks, ‘my gosh.. this girl doesn’t get it.. when will she get it all together??’

Then I realized.. “my gosh, this girl doesn’t get it.. when will she get it all together??” is the enemy’s lies and how sneaky they are.  When Light is exposed to my thoughts, I then realize: “my gosh, this girl finally gets it.. she is wicked and depraved without Me.. and in constant need of saving” is Truth from God.  Daily we are to repent of who we are, because even the most innocent thing in us is filthy when compared to who God is.  The shame of “I am so messy” has been recently overwhelmed by the grace and glory of God.  This is how I see it.. the closer God gets in our lives.. the more our sin is amplified.. and it draws us to a state of desperation since we are not able to clean up ourselves (boy, this was a tough lesson.. still walking in it).. which in the end – magnifies the power of the Cross.

What do I mean, right?  Well, it would be absolutely awful if our sin was amplified and we were stuck in that position.  In fact, I think that would suck completely.. let’s be honest.  But, here’s the awesomeness of God.. *smiles*.. wait for it.. wait for it – - when our sin looks huge, He gives us the eyes to see the power and “bigness” of the Cross.  That’s hope friends.  The Cross is greater than our sin.  He is greater than our sin.  As humans with wicked hearts and complete depravity, our sin reminds us of the utter need we have for a Savior.

So, if you are walking through a frustrating season where everything looks so messy.. you’re not in it alone.  I can genuinely say: ‘I understand,’ because I’m walking in this season as well.  Trust in one thing – the power of God and His ability to redeem.  My pride and wickedness do not want the discipline and correction of God, which further leads to healthy Christian growth.  I would be fully content with “don’t call me out on my mess.. I already know it.. let me fix it.. then I’ll come back to You.”  Friends, this is un-Biblical.  Let’s call it for what it is – a wicked heart and sinful desire, stemmed from pride.  It is not right and we should never desire for this mentality to continue.  Instead, we have to come before God and say: “God, I don’t really know what to do with this mess.. but I’m leaving my hands off of it so that You can place Yours on it.. help me fix my eyes on You.”

If you are walking in this.. take a breather.. you are in the right place.  God loves you and has been waiting to save you from this!  Keep your eyes fixed on Him and He will take it from there.  He will clean up the messy edges and rough patches – take your hands off of it.

I love this:

“But God demonstrates His OWN love for us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for US.” -Romans 5:8

Just say the Word

“Go; it shall be done for you as you have believed.”  -Jesus  (Matthew 8:13)

Many times we find ourselves pointing the finger at God and accusing Him of not following through with things.  For not believing on our behalf.  I love this passage of the Centurion and Jesus.  The Centurion speaks with such humility: “I am not worthy for You to come under my roof” .. but it did not end with these words – He understood the Supernatural power of the Man standing before him.  He finishes by saying: “But just say the word, and my servant will be healed.”

Can you wrap your mind around this faith??  I surely can’t.  It kinda puts me to shame.  He never walked up to Jesus with a swagger, with this “I deserve this” mentality.  None the less, he believed Jesus could heal completely.. not in the way doctors and medicine men in those days healed and people would find themselves coming back.  Jesus had a special touch.  The Centurion desired that even the word (singular) of Jesus would heal his servant.  This is profound.

Say the word friends.  He will come.  Not only will He come, but He will heal and restore.  *smiles*

Always remember, God never goes against His Word – so when He says: “it shall be done as you have believed..” one can only allude that this is true.  Stay strong and believe.  He will do the rest.

Fall is in the Air

These are some adorable pictures of my niece & nephew Isaac & Leah.  I HAD to share them with you.. seriously.  What a great group of shots that were taken by Joan Guy.  She did a fabulous job!  I’m totally impressed by how she was able to capture them in their element.  I hope this warms your heart as much as it did mine..

Good-bye Summer..

Hello Autumn..

It’s Happening!

I’m feeling a lot of things right now.

Let’s see.

Joy.. definitely.

Curiosity.. oh man, like no one’s business!

Wonder and Awe.. so desperately.

I recently heard a Chandler message and he was chatting about his trip to Australia and one thing he said that gave me chills was when he spoke of the movement of God that is occurring world-wide.. he said:  “it’s happening!”

God is moving folks.. He’s totally hovering over this generation universally.

I can see it.  I’m personally tasting it.  Boy, can I feel it.. all up in my insides!  *smiles*

“Let it Rain” is playing in the background right now.. and I have this peace in my heart.. something that can’t be explained.  I heard this song during one of my writing breaks earlier today.. and I just broke down.. crying like a baby.. just the thought of God coming down like rain.  It totally feels like it these days, doesn’t it??  It’s not this slow movement.  I feel like it’s pouring down Jesus ALL over.. everywhere we go.. the dark is being hidden by the Light.. His light.  *beams*

The past few days it’s been raining in Philly.. not drizzling.. but a heavy downpour.  I may be the oddest person you meet, but I absolutely LOVE downpour rain.  There’s something about being next to a window when it is raining cats and dogs.  It’s just this feeling of solitude and peace.  I’m not a fan of drizzle at all, but man.. when it pours.. dude – it pours!  I’m sorry I spent like 5 lines just explaining why rain pumps me up.. haha .. and yet you’re still here, thanks!  I love you guys all the more for it.

Anyways.. I just wanted to get on my lil soap box and announce to the world that it is happening!  You are a part of it.  I am so excited to be a part of it.. every part of me feels inadequate to walk in it, but I’m going to keep on trekkin’ none the less.  God is raining down on this generation.  Doesn’t it feel like an amazing downpour everywhere you go?  It’s got His name etched all over it.  In this stillness of nothing but “Agnus Dei” playing in the background now.. I am in awe.. in wonder.. in love with this God.  I love You Jesus  =*)

I want you guys to see/hear this version of “Agnus Dei,” absolutely amazing.. half of it is just spontaneous worship.. there’s so much power in it.  I feel like God must be chuckling and in awe of what He sees and hears.

A Love Like [His]

“But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who hurt you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous” -Matthew 5:44-45

I love this verse.  God has been radiating the concept of LOVE to me all year.. so intensely.  He commands us to love and then before we can say “who are You to tell me this?”, He shares in the next verse how He displays love unconditionally.  He does not expect of us anything that He doesn’t already display.  It is stated so awesomely: “He causes the sun to rise on the good and evil” – that is not a chosen few who receive from Him, rather, it was designed and created for everyone to bask in.  In the same way, He sends the rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.  He could easily pick and choose who gets to soak in His beauty and be complete right and just about it, but He goes about it in a completely different way.  It’s such a radical approach to love.

If you were to ask me now if I could love like this.. I don’t think I could honestly tell you “yes”.  Oh, how MUCH I have to grow in!  I’m slowly learning to tear down my walls, my misconceptions, and hurts and I’m clinging to the promise that when everything else fades, the ONLY thing that remains is love.  His love never fails.

As our hearts break for those around us, may love compel us to make His name known.  After the bruises and the punches, may we get back up on our feet, shake the dust off our hands and continue to walk in love.

Don’t Leave Me

“Lord God, You have appointed me as a pastor in Your Church, but you see how unsuited I am to meet so great and difficult a task.  If I had lacked Your help, I would have ruined everything long ago.  Therefore, I call upon You: I wish to devote my mouth and my heart to you; I shall teach the people.  I myself will learn and ponder diligently upon You Word.  Use me as Your instrument—but do not forsake me, for if ever I should be on my own, I would easily wreck it all.”

–Martin Luther’s Sacristy Prayer

gravity

It’s funny how unexpected the Christian walk is..

This morning I woke up to a sudden jolt of thunder.  I’m not talking thunder that you hear and go right back to bed.  I’m talking probably the loudest sound of thunder I’ve ever heard.  I jerked up in bed at the sound of it.  Gasped for a few moments and then cautiously attempted to rest my head on my pillow again.  Let’s just say I was thrown off.. definitely didn’t see that coming.

My alarm wasn’t set to ring for another hour and now I found myself staring at the ceiling.  There are times I hate waking up before my alarm rings because I do just that – stare at the ceiling.. which later gets me thinking.. and then worrying.. and the cycle continues.  So, what was I going to do during this hour bracket before I started my day?  I just started talking to God..

I began recapping the past 2 years.  Don’t ask why it was specifically 2 years.. as opposed to any other number.. the Lord had a reason for this.  Before I begin, I’ve gotta share with you guys.. earlier this year I completely crashed.  I mean, straight up fell face forward.  There was nothing that was cutting it for me.  Everything would throw me off and I couldn’t put my finger on it.  As the months went on, there was a yearning I could not get rid of.  There was also a bunch of junk that had been rising in me that had accumulated over the past 2 years.  How do you go about filtering this passion to love God again.. the way you did when you first met Him.. and attempt handling so much weight that has been lugged around for years simultaneously??  The worst thing is when you’re not even aware of the weight.. when your eyes are finally opened to it.. it completely knocks you down because you never “prepared” yourself for this moment.

Through the months, the Lord finally got my attention.  Boy, did He get my attention.  The one thing I never wanted to become, the person I promised myself to steer clear of, the one thing I found myself speaking rigorously against.. I had become.  I became “religious”.  I became the older brother.  I became the pharisee that placed Christ on the Cross.  That was me folks.  There was no sermon that could have been preached or song that could have been sung which could minister to me at that moment.  This was one of the hardest realizations to swallow.  My gosh.  How in the world did I become this??

“Imagination” by Bethany Dillon and a sermon called “Gravity” by Matt Chandler both came to mind.  They both shared in specific ways how they had been going head on with this intense passion for God and then all of a sudden completely crashed.  Absolutely didn’t see it coming.  They had become something they never wanted to be.  I swallowed hard.  I thought even harder.  It’s so easy to be going in the right direction and lose sight of the Cross.  It happens to the best of us, doesn’t it?  It was one of the most painful lessons learned.

I forgot how to love God.  Can you even imagine??  When you are not able to properly love God this affects every aspect of life.  You are certainly not able to love people the way He’s called you to.  This became a reality for me.  So, let’s forward back to this morning.. in the midst of the thunderstorm and heavy rain against my window, the Lord brought to my attention who I was without Him and He reminded me of His love for me.  Although it took years.. 2 to be specific.. the Lord sought the depths to bring me back to Him.. and honestly folks, there’s no love like this.

After all of this, how can one deny that He encompasses love.  God = Love.  I’ve never seen someone pursue after his bride so relentlessly.  My gosh, head on, tackling the issues at heart and keeping at it until there was even the slightest resolve.  Here I am, slowly picking myself up again and grasping my utter desperation for a Savior.  I am embracing reconciliation.  There’s nothing like it.

He is jealous for me.  The thought of someone drawn to my weak affections is just the beginning of what makes these walls crumble.  I’m sure you’ve heard this before, and if you haven’t, let me be the first to tell you because I am a walking testimony of it.. God will not relent until He has it all.

His love is like gravity.  There’s nothing else that describes it so well.  What is gravity?  It’s when 2 objects are drawn to each other from opposing ends of the spectrum. Ha!  Let’s fill in the blank there. *smiles*  No matter how far you run His love always finds a way to pull you back in.  It doesn’t matter what extent of evil you have become (for lack of a better term) or how deep in your pit you’re in.  That’s the beauty of gravity – the power to be drawn back by a substance that may not always be explainable.  There’s nothing like it.

hello injustice

something’s wrong with this photograph.  wake up Church.

Welcome to the world around you.  Hello injustice.  It’s time to wake up to the reality of what is around us.  The photographer who took this amazing shot won an award for it, apparently the world felt it was worthy of acknowledgment as well.   Sadly, the story of the man behind the lens is he committed suicide a few months after this photograph.  He was overwhelmed with the amount of evil and injustice surrounding him daily as he took photos of these beautiful people.  He did not know where to turn.  Wake up Church.  It’s time to do something about this.  This is not “their issue”.  This is our issue.  This breaks the heart of God.  I can only imagine what He must think when He sees this constantly and He waits for His Church to step up to the plate.

It’s been far too long since we’ve been holding hands with complacency, mediocrity and injustice.  Enough is enough.  Don’t our mouths get tired of speaking when there is no action following after??  Mine sure does.  The little child in the photograph died soon after this was taken.  Absolutely unacceptable.  Our hearts should ache to do something about this.  What does that even mean?  Start praying.  Begin moving.  The Lord will do the rest.

It’s time to say good-bye to injustice and say hello to the work of the Cross.  Say hello to the Gospel.  Imagine this little child being one of your loved ones.  Would you still stay comfy on your couch if this was the case?  Just a thought.  Something to stir your hearts with .. we have more than we need.  If you have the ability to even fall upon my blog right now, then you certainly have more than enough.

Good-bye Injustice.  You are no longer invited here.