Wind Blowing and Bones Forming

I’m finishing up the book of Ecclesiastes in my quiet times and I’m being uber encouraged by a couple things — the movement of God in my life even when I don’t see tangible change.

“Just as you do not know the path of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of the pregnant woman, so you do not know the activity of God who makes all things.”

I don’t know the path of the wind — I feel it at times, but have the slightest clue as to where it came from or where it’s planning to head to.  Is it still there?  Yes.  Faith is believing in the unseen, right?

The process of a baby being formed in the womb of it’s mother never fails to boggle my mind.  Seriously!  Who can explain it?!  How do bones form?  How does hair form?  My genius science gurus would say DNA, and I would of course agree, but it’s deeper than that.  How does DNA even form?  Where does it originate from?  Is it a crazy thought that even before a mother sees her child, that child is already fully known by God?  Absolutely!  What a thought.

These are just a few kind reminders the Lord has been giving me during my moments of weak faith, crippling fear of the unknown, and struggles trusting.  Regardless of what I can tangibly feel or visually see, the Lord is still doing something.  He is still creating and forming.  He is working something in the back scenes for my good and His glory.

His glory. 

His glory.

His glory.

Nope, that wasn’t a typo.  Sometimes I need to remind myself that His glory is far more important than anything else in this life.  So, let’s be encouraged that in the midst of the unseen, wind continues to blow and bones are being formed.  We may not know the activity of God, even with all of our questions flying at Him left and right, but He is still working things out.

It is not that our questions are too hard for Him to answer, but rather, the answer He continues to bring us back to is Himself.  Jesus is the answer.  He is the answer to every unanswered question.  He is worth every tear.  He is worth every struggle.

Thanks God, for taking all of my punches and hearing all of my tantrums, yet still choosing to love and woo my heart in such a way that leaves me in awe of You.

Timing is Everything

So, Pandora may have to eat its heart out because Spotify really has me hooked!

I currently have 1 playlist and it’s been my repeat all week — Chris August, Brandon Heath, MercyMe, Rush of Fools, Mikeschair, Tenth Avenue North, Vicky Beeching, Starfield, Aaron Shust, Sanctus Real, and Mainstay

Great music.

There’s something I’ve been praying about for years, a lot of it is ambiguous because at times, I don’t even know what to pray for.  I’m grateful He knows.  So, as I’ve been in the book of Ecclesiastes, re-evaluating the meaning of life and our purpose here on Earth, the Lord is kind to answer my prayer (not in the way I expect, of course!)

  “For there is a proper time and procedure for every delight, though a man’s trouble is heavy upon him.”  -Ecclesiastes 8:6

Though our troubles seem heavy and burdensome here on Earth, He reminds us that every delight received comes in His time.  It follows His story-line, not ours.

His time.

His plan.

..and so I wait

I wait on Jesus.

I wait by the Cross.

I am reminded that Jesus is not on the Cross .. He’s where I wanna be .. next to the Father .. interceding on my behalf.  Right now.  Crazy.

Be encouraged — He’s speaking on your behalf (yes you!) right now .. your life is opportunity for His glory .. through what feels like trials, remember that He has a plethora of delights for you — the ultimate: Jesus.  His timing is perfect.  His ways are right.  Believe.

He is more than enough.

Religion vs. Jesus: Spoken Word

“..just because you call some people blind, doesn’t automatically give you vision.”

Truth.

‘Eating Oreos with Milk kinda good’

Two things.

(completely unrelated, of course..)

One — Coldplay’s “Every Teardrop is a Waterfall“ is an AMAZING tune friends.  It never gets old.  I’m telling you, there’s like talent overload in that band.  Every song.  So good.

Second — you HAVE to listen to this sermon my pastor spoke on Sunday!  Gahhhhh!  So good.  It’s like, eating oreos with milk in your adult footies kinda good!  Try it some time, you’ll thank me.  Since I cannot provide you all with cookies, milk, and warm fuzzy footies, I will provide you with something BETTER — the sermon.  Be encouraged!

“Jesus Restores our Barrenness”  <– click.  Promise.. no pop-up ads 

Oh yeah — GREAT quote by Martin Luther King Jr: “Faith is taking the first step, even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”  Amen to that one!  Happy MLK day.  We’re awfully blessed because of the efforts of men like him.  Thank-you.

..will get back on the writing bandwagon soon, the semester has started and the holidays have ended = Chaos.

Love, Sin, and Grace.. Stories from a Parked Car

Before my work for the day began today I needed to make a quick stop to Walmart to grab a few things.  I’m sucha Target girl, but what I was specifically looking for, I knew I couldn’t find in Target.  I was again reminded how little I can tolerate of Walmart .. small intervals at a time.

Anywho, that’s not even the point of this entry (figures).. so, on my way from Walmart to home I got ridiculously overwhelmed.. with life.. with thoughts.. with doubts.. with everything.. with stuff.  It was like a wave of emotion.  Billows crashing.  I don’t know how else to describe it.  It was heavy.  It was frustrating.  It was discouraging.  I suck at battles.  I never win.  I just began going through the thoughts in my head, half of them were lies, half of them were fears.  I literally got tired battling through my thoughts, so I decided to tune out the noise by adding more noise (figures).  I flipped through the radio stations:

Casting Crowns..

Bruno Mars..

Lady Gaga..

Bing Crosby..

Casting Crowns..

I’m such a radio-switcher.  I know.  You’d hate me being in your passenger seat.  I get uberly antzy.  Full circle on the music.  At this point, I became disgusted by all of the noise.  I knew there was a part of me that wanted to tune out the sounds in my head.. the convictions of my heart.. the battle of Spirit versus flesh.  At that moment, I would rather listen to Casting Crowns sing of the Cross and Jesus’ love than to actually have a teeth-pulling conversation with Jesus and turn the music off.  By the time I reached my driveway, I just sat there in silence.  Complete silence.  I turned the car off and sat still.

The thoughts grew LOUDER and louder.  It’s like, the battle of Armageddon screaming in my head.  Evil versus Holy.  Good versus Bad.  Sheryl versus God.

A thought from Ian’s sermon yesterday was blaring in my head “the person you love the most, is the person you will sin against the most”.  Over and over.  He was talking about the context of marriage and I just felt this weight of heaviness.  “Someone (outside of God) out there is actually gonna see all MY mess??” ..“They will choose to stay in the midst of my sin??”  What does that EVEN mean!?  In that moment of Sheryl being a wickedly depraved sinner needing Jesus, I thought about the selfishness of my heart.  Ugh.  Seeing your sin is no fun.  The actual act of sinning, on the other hand, ha, sometimes can be fun, I know.. I know.. but let’s be real, our flesh enjoys every moment of not having to be like Jesus.  Actually seeing yourself sin is no joke.  Watching the Holy Spirit battle for your affections is a feeling like none other.  I cannot compare it to anything I have ever experienced before.

Some of my greatest battles are fought in the car, weird place right?  Well.. it’s one of the few places I’m forced to be honest with God without being interrupted by someone.  It’s either sit in an empty car for 30 minutes and miserably try to tune out the voice of God or actually quiet down your heart and receive what He has to say.

So, after hours of miserably trying to avoid.. I decided to tune my discouraged heart to Jesus.. the latter half of Ian’s statement came to mind.. “the person who you love the most, you will sin against the most.. but where there is sin, grace abounds.”  WHAT!  This whole thing is about grace?!  Seriously?  Sighs, what a comfort to my far-from-perfect self.  Where there is sin in relationships, grace abounds.  There is room for forgiveness.  There is no perfect couple or perfect person.  There is grace.  Period.

..and that has made a world of a difference for me today, as I forgot to grab hold of that Truth!

Jenny’s Thoughts

I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE this post by Jenny Simmons, lead singer of the band Addison road.  So raw, so real.

The Longest Distance Between Two Places

I’ve been there.  I think I’m still there.  I wanna be outta there, soon.

Also — check out this entry as well, equally just as amazing, the story of my life: “The Becoming”

..you will REALLY enjoy her writing, I promise.

It’s Beginning to Look a LOT Like Christmas!

I’m beginning to get the house ready for Christmas.. I LOVE this holiday.. and I love snowmen.. the color maroon and gold and green.. and I love the smell of cinnamon-scented acorns around the house..

Mr & Mrs Santa .. we’ve had them for years .. I also LOVE wicker baskets!  I’ve got them ALL over the house.  This specific one in our living room holds a few of my paper-back novels that I like to read on the couch in front of our tree.  What can I say, I’m a goober that loves to read  *grins*

Our stairs I kept very simple .. the classic white-light look has always been my favorite!  A couple of my favorite ornaments are on it as well. . .

When I was in Lancaster County, I picked up each of our names .. I like these a lot!

Did I mention that I LOVE snowmen??  ..and cute lamp shades .. and chocolate-chip cookie room sprays!

Now onto the stairs and those cute ‘ole mason jars I was itching to work with. . .

Each jar has an LED tea light candle .. so you should see them when they’re all lit — BEAUTIFUL!!

So, I’m definitely very happy how they came out .. it’s a perfect fit for the spot and it illuminates the steps awesomely!

My lovely tree .. this took me 2 full days to finish .. but definitely worth the time and effort ..

TA-DA!

This is my favorite ornament on our tree.  Are you really surprised??  It’s an angel playing the violin.  I’m a softy for musicians  *grins*

We have 3 stockings up this Christmas .. they’re all shades of gold and maroon/gold translucent

Well, that’s all for our living room. . .

I’m working on a few Christmas projects around the rest of the house.  I’ll post some photos on an upcoming blog sometime!  Now, off to bed and onto a BUSY work week.

Shickie

I’ve been thinking a lot about the weight of prayer.  It’s this weird concept — I talk to the air and I expect that someone who I do not see is not only listening but will somehow respond to me in a way that only I will understand.

Months ago the women in my church read through “A Praying Life” by Paul E. Miller .. if you’ve never read it, I really recommend it!  Gosh, it is SO good.  It has single-handedly changed my needy perception of prayer.  I’m actually reading through it again, starting today.  It encourages my soul in ways that really don’t make sense.

My dad’s actually reading through E.M. Bounds’ “Power through Prayer” this week, so it’s funny to see our family has zoned in on this concept in our own individual quiet times.

Here’s a passage in “A Praying Life” that has really spoken to my heart this evening:

“The Gospel, God’s free gift of grace in Jesus, only works when we realize we don’t have it all together.  The same is true for prayer.  The very thing we are allergic to — our helplessness — is what makes prayer work.  It works because we are helpless.  We can’t do life on our own. 

Prayer mirrors the Gospel.  In the Gospel, the Father takes us as we are because of Jesus and gives us His gift of salvation.  In prayer, the Father receives us as we are because of Jesus and gives us His gift of help.  We look at the inadequacy of our praying and give up, thinking something is wrong with us.  God looks at the adequacy of His Son and delights in our sloppy, meandering prayers.“

I guess it’s safe to say I’m finally basking in a HUGE answer to years worth of my prayers.  I remember going through my journal .. and months of the SAME request, over and over, and over.  A part of me thought God was enjoying the frustrations and the silence.  That of course was the Jesus-needing-side of my heart that wanders.  I’ll explain myself (as you all twiddle your thumbs).  One of my best friend’s is getting married.  I grew up with 2 best friends — in so many ways they have become my own family to me.  So, with tears (literally) .. I rejoice ..that the Lord would use this whole (what-seemed-impossible) circumstance for His glory.

I’ve seen the enemy at work trying to devastate and crush our faith and cloud our thoughts with doubt.  Is this really the way?  God is this really Your will?  Why is this so messy?  The Gospel, God Himself, has broken through every cultural norm.  The Indian culture is definitely a difficult culture to try to meet expectations of.  God has shown Himself SO faithful.  The things that matter on the outside don’t seem to matter anymore.. and that right there friends.. is the Holy Spirit.

So, thank-You God for looking at the adequacy of Jesus during the times when our prayers became inadequate, messy and gruesome.  I’m possibly the BIGGEST emotional sap right now.  It’s a bitter-sweet realization, as the practicalities of life unravel and my best friend will be moving miles and miles away..

God has been very sweet to you Vickie Osborn.  I wish I could say the same about life, but I wouldn’t change one piece to your story.  Through the storms, the Lord has shown Himself faithful.  Thanks for the hours upon hours of conversations, remaining silent when I cried, walking me through 2007  in a way that no body else could, going to the Jewelers years ago and grabbing matching White Gold rings.. holding me accountable to remain pure for Jesus and my hubby (whoever that handsome goober is! )  The amount of times that we laughed till my sides hurt and my face looked like a tomato — I will not forget.

Our friendship has taught me the struggles and JOYS of prayer.  You are evidence of prayer being answered in my life.

Thanks for choosing to be a part of our family.  Apart from Christ, they’re the best thing in my life.  You will now learn to rejoice in our blessings and weep in our struggles.  That is possibly the most intimate thing we could share with anyone.  I’m sure that no one could embrace that any better than you..

Here’s to the beginning of sweet days to come — You can officially say “Oh taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the man who trusts in Him..”

Sweats on a Rainy Day

A few things..

I’m not feeling too well right now, who knows why, and it doesn’t help that it’s so gloomy and sticky outside.  I got home from work and slipped right into sweats, gosh, there’s nothing better than sweats around the house on a rainy day.  Correction: any day.

I have stacks of papers to grade.  It’s that time of the year again.  The semester is closing in a couple weeks, and everything is due.  I’m trying to find JOY in this.  It’s my most dreaded time.  I love reading, don’t get me wrong, but it takes a toll on the brain and eyes when you find yourself reading hundreds of papers.  Same topics.. over and over.  Regardless, I’m grateful for my students.  I pray for their souls.  I hope if they get ANYTHING at all from my class, outside of my quirks and utter awkwardness, I pray that they question right from wrong.. justice from injustice.. and I hope the Lord opens their eyes to something a whole LOT bigger than themselves.

I’m actually job hunting as I type this.  Everyday I set aside time to look for new opportunities, something I could grow even more in.  I’m nervous but I’ve come to terms with God being in control.  He hears my prayers.  Even the awful, choppy, non-comprehensive ones at 3am under my covers.  Those are definitely my most raw, genuine prayers.  Job hunting while you already have a job is an odd thing — it brings to the surface this feeling of discontentment.  I’m trusting He will grant peace wherever He leads.  I can’t rid myself of the uneasiness apart from Him.

I’m listening to Adele’s “Set Fire to the Rain” and it never gets old.  My sister would disagree after the 100th play, but nope.. it’s still playing in the Thomas household.  She’s just a different breed of talent.  Honestly.  I love her sound.  Raw.

I’m scatterbrained again.. what was I saying anyways?  Oh yes.. life, right?

(this photo brings back such sweet memories from my evening with Sally & Anita)

I had a GREAT conversation with my gal pal Sally yesterday, so grateful for your friendship love.  I love laughing with ya and figuring out ‘this life’ with my million questions and working through silence together.  Beyonce would be wrong with this one, you are definitely irreplaceable in my life.  We talked about this notion of fearing man over God.  It’s such an UGLY sin.  I was so convicted for it when I thought about it last night before bed.  Why do peoples’ thoughts matter so much to me?  Why isn’t the Gospel enough to transform the way I perceive people and things?  A continuous struggle, indeed.  I’m grateful He chose to expose it and help sanctify it to His likeness.  My thoughts are choppy right now, but I’ll leave you with this .. His grace has redeemed completely what we try so hard to redeem on our own.

Just thinking about my nieces & nephews this holiday season.. they by far are the sweetest thing since pumpkin pie!

Captured

I’m reading through the Advent guide from the Village Church.. loved this passage..

“None of us escape this pain, this fear that if we love something enough God will take it away from us, as if He is vengeful and plays games with His children.  We trust the object of our expectations and set our expectations too low when they are meant to be occupied by Him, after all.  What good thing would the Father withhold from us if He has given us His only Son?  What more could capture our hearts than the Savior Himself and the knowledge that He died bound that we might life free?”

I’m finding myself dwelling on this awesome Truth — what more could capture my wandering heart than Jesus Christ, Himself??  Gee, everything seems to pale.  Every thing.

“Happy is the heart that still feels pain..” — love that line from Ingrid Michaelson’s song “Everybody”.  It’s possibly my favorite song by her.  Check it out.  Good stuff.

…’be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him’ 

That verse in Psalm 37 has been getting me through the week.  I’m captured by Jesus.  He stirs my affections in ways that don’t even make sense!  I’m amazed by His ability to pursue after my heart.. again and again.. and again.  I’m praying He remains the object of my affection, instead of the shadow of the object.

Before I end.. I wanna say Happy BIRTHDAY to my mom!  I’m grateful for her life ..not to mention, we share the same face.  Literally.  I hope this year is sweeter and so much more FUN than the previous ones.