clean-up

So, I find that there has been some serious “spring/summer cleaning” occurring in my life lately.

I’m learning that I’m “small potatos” again.. or like I tend to pronounce: “small potataas”..

Healing is slowly happening in my life.  Restoration appears closer to me than my own shadow.  Junk that has accumulated in my life over the years is slowly being removed.. layer by layer.  Thank-You Jesus for showing me how far the east is from the west.. at times when my sin makes me cringe.. you never fail to amaze me.

I’m learning how little grace I actually give to those around me.. and this has been a recent conviction.  Who am I to ever think I deserve His grace?  I’m swimming in it.. drowning in it actually.  Lord, teach me to bestow grace on people in a way that they would drown in it.

Forgiveness.  I’m amazed by it.  Only God can allow true forgiveness to occur and repair that which was once broken.  I love it.  I’m learning to love that which I hated, and hate that which I used to love.. my old ways of thinking, my stubborn mind, my misconceptions, etc.

I love fresh starts.. new beginnings.. and blank slates.

Selfishness.. we were such good friends, but I don’t want it anymore.

I look back just a few months.. and really, how much growth has occurred.  2009 is a special year for me.  It is a year of continuous clinging to the Cross, because it’s only there where I find myself being cleansed and redeemed.  I love the song by Brandon Heath, “I’m Not Who I Was..” more now than ever before.. because it takes a different meaning in my life.  I really am not who I was when I stepped out the door years ago.. months ago.. weeks ago.. even days ago.  I am thankful for continuous change.

Submission.  This has a whole new meaning in my life.. well, let me explain further.  I choose to submit myself to Him.. even when my heart and flesh fails.. His authority over my life will not shift.  I am learning to embrace authority.  One day, I look forward to completely submitting to the one God has for me.  Recently, it’s been a conversation topic for my parents and I.. the concept of marriage.. and I love that I can even come to a point in my life that I’m embracing it.  I’m not running, but I also am well aware that this is a season of molding for myself.. being able to rely on God fully.. without the “distraction” [for lack of a better term] of a significant other.  Until that season arrives, I desire for a healed heart which is softened by the work He’s done on the Cross for me.. an open mind to realize that His ways are not my ways.. and a  genuine desire to learn the many dimensions of love and to share it with those around me.

“Still wondering why I’m here

Still wrestling with my fear

But oh, He’s up to something

And the farther on I go

I’ve seen enough to know

That I’m, not here for nothing

He’s up to something..”   -Brandon Heath

Hope.  I’m walking in it.  I believe it is being manifested in my own life.  Like Brandon Heath says, “He’s up to something..” That is my hope.  My hope is in Him.  My hope is in the fact that the Lord will constantly be “up to something” in my life till the last day I breathe.  Thank-You Jesus for hope.. without it, I don’t know where I would be.

This blog is just to share with y’all a bit of praise!  I’m finding JOY in this season.  I’m walking in something I don’t deserve.. I certainly cannot earn it.. and I wouldn’t trade it for the world!  I love y’all.

Here’s a picture from last Friday when I was in NYC.  Some awesome people in my life.  It was such a good day – I can’t even begin to tell you!  These are such new additions in my life.. but I’m ever so grateful for each one..

My heart is Spoken For

“Take this world from me.. I don’t need it anymore.  I am finally free.. my heart is spoken for..”   -Mercy Me

I love that line: “my heart is spoken for.” It’s beautiful.  I think what’s unfortunate is the fact that many of us don’t understand the weight of that line.  If we truly grasped that our hearts were spoken for, then we would no longer desire for the world.  It seems to be the other way around: we are aware that the Lord has spoken over our hearts.. but we don’t want the world to be taken away from us, because we still wanna wade in the water a bit.  We have one foot in the world and the other in “religion.”

MercyMe made such a bold statement when they wrote this line: “take this world from me.. I don’t need it anymore.. I am finally free.. my heart is spoken for.” Did you catch that?  “I am finally free”.. do you know how many people are searching for this TRUE freedom.  Freedom from government, sin, drugs, alcohol, adultery, pornography, the world, etc.  The list is endless isn’t it??  Friends, that is the only thing the world can offer us.. a place for temporary satisfaction.  The question that should be asked is, is this truly good enough for you??  Is that what God willed when He gave Himself up on the Cross in the form of His Son.. to us.. underserving recipients who STILL can’t seem to grasp the concept of the Cross in our own lives??

As people, we are constantly trying to find new methods of freedom and independence, and the more we search outside of God’s ways, the more we become enslaved to the world around us.  I’m beyond grateful to know that in the midst of our rebellion and pride, the Lord continues to remind us that He has already spoken over us: clean and His.. completely His. Thanks Jesus for the reminders..

2 min. and 42 sec. of something you MUST see

My nieces Annelise, Alainna, Ava and my nephew Cole did their own rendition of a news broadcast – kid style.

I of course think it is the cutest thing.. and I make it a mission in life to brag on all of my nieces & nephews, especially when I see their talents come out.. so when you see this, you’ll understand why!  They came up with the idea all on their own.  *beams*

Alainna begins with a brief movie section on G-Force

Cole does a “how to keep the Earth clean” section.. and if you know Cola,  you know exactly why he chose this!  *smiles*

Ava did a Bible reading passage.. she’s the youngest out of the Montley crew.. at 4 years of age..

..and Anna concluded with the weather

the need for mystery

“You will never know it all, because mystery is a pre-requisite of faith.  And without faith, it is impossible to please God.  Mystery will always be.  It’s like the soul needs it.  It’s like, for whatever reason, we can’t function without there being question marks.. as badly as we want those question marks to be periods.”  -Matt Chandler

I saw this quote on my cousin’s Facebook profile and LOVED it, so thanks George!  Isn’t there so much truth to this statement – - “mystery is a pre-requisite of faith??” Our soul needs mystery just as much as we need faith to exist, in order to please God.  There’s definitely a lot to unpack in this statement and I feel like there’s so much to unwind from Chandler’s words.  I won’t say too much on it because I feel like the statement should speak for itself volumes.

I do love the line: “it’s like, for whatever reason, we can’t fuction without being question marks.. as badly as we want those question marks to be periods.” Doesn’t that say a lot about how we have been created??  I love surprises, but secretly, deep inside, I hate them.. because it requires faith.. trust.. and suspense.  Now, what would happen if I knew every step I was going to take right before taking it??  There would be no need for faith, right??  The mystery of “what could be” would fly out the window.  I would determine my own destination.  All of my hope and trust would be in myself.  Saying “I” multiple times in one paragraph makes me shudder, because it’s annoying to look at.  It seems so selfish and proud.  Yet, this is how we live our lives isn’t it??  We don’t want the question marks.. we’d rather place periods where we want them to be.. and run with it.

Thank the Lord that we’re not able to function without the question marks.  I can’t imagine not having to depend on Him.  A friend of mine once told me it’s like a television functioning under water.. yeah.. it doesn’t work!  We’re trying to function in the natural while God has destined us to function in the Supernatural.  We are to live by faith.. in the mystery of Him.. in a world by which if we tell a mountain to move, it’ll pick itself up from the roots and move!  It seems far beyond reach doesn’t it??  It’s possible none the less friends.  Ha!  That’s a pretty awesome God we serve, if I say so myself. *grins*

I think it’s beautiful that our soul is designed to live a life of mystery.  What a feeling!  The moment we try to go against that and create periods in order to replace the question marks, we are doing something that won’t function in the end – like a “television under water”.  *smiles*   Embrace this life of mystery.. God’s mystery.. knowing that in the end, the Lord works all things for the good of those that love Him.. by our faith.

what’s with all the shaking?

My pastor said something awesome on Sunday that stuck to me..

“As the shaking intensifies, may our love and devotion towards You intensify”

-Pastor Phillip Menditto

I’m sure we all can agree that there are seasons in our lives where there is serious sifting and shaking occurring.  For instance, a death of a loved one or a family member loses a job, barely making ends meet or finding out a loved one has cheated on you.  The list goes on and on.. unfortunately.  Some of you reading this have already conquered something on the above list and many of you may be walking in it as I speak.. type.

Remember this.. the shaking will occur.. there are no exceptions friends.  We all must go through struggles and trials and it would be awesome if I could tell you that it was a simple, unpainful journey to walk through.. but I would be lying.  Nothing about the shaking is pleasant.  Many times it’s painful and uncomfortable and we’re left scattered.  One thing that is awesome during this process is the Lord’s faithfulness.  I actually find it to be beautiful.

As the struggles intensify may Your love and devotion for Him do so as well.  There is nothing like sitting at the feet of Jesus when you realize you have nothing else going for you.  There is an utter desperation when everything else is stripped away and you’re left with broken pieces all around you.  As your devotion towards Him increases, your love will automatically increase.. and “what’s love gotta do with it?”  ha!  EVERYTHING!  Love covers a multitude of sin, it mends the broken, repairs the damage, heals the wounded, casts away fear, and this can go on.  Don’t lose hope in all of the shaking around you.. instead, devote yourself to the Lord and cling to His love & promises.

Esther

This week.. on July 3, 2009, Esther Boyalapalli went Home to be with Jesus.

Many of you have been praying for her battle with cancer.. the Lord in His goodness chose to take her to be with Him.  Please uphold her dear family and loved ones in prayer.  This cannot be a “pleasant” road to walk down even with the strongest of faiths.  So, whenever you get the chance.. please say a line for them..

Our loss.. Heaven’s gain of Esther.. had me do some serious self-examination.  I needed to share this small excerpt written by her family this week:

“Esther has been in hospice for almost two weeks now.  During the first days at hospice, Esther was very responsive and awake, but in the last few days her eyes have been closed most of the time.  She is currently on high and increasing dosages of painkillers as the doctors are now only focusing on keeping her comfort levels high and not as concerned about sustaining her life for a long time.  Esther’s respiration cycles (breathing) have been much fewer and far between over the last few days.  Doctors have said she is definitely in her last days and she is making the transition to the next life- withdrawing, slower breathing, fluid retention in the lungs, unresponsive, etc.  Although her eyes are mostly closed, Esther can hear and seems very much peaceful where she is now, and seems to be aware of what is happening- that her time on earth is nearing to an end. This morning as we had some time to talk with her, we were mentioning to her about the promise from God that “No eye has ever seen, no ear has heard what God has prepared for those who love Him” and with her eyes still closed, she smiled and happily nodded with confidence.”

Sorry, I forgot to warn you to grab a box of Kleenex.  After reading this line, I examined my heart.. “and with her eyes still closed, she smiled and happily nodded with confidence.”  That is a girl who knows that her purpose on Earth has been fulfilled and the anticipation to see Jesus is well worth the wait – no fear in her being.  How amazing is this friends!?  There have been many losses this month – Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, the list goes on and on.  One thing that doesn’t shift is this – no matter the name or fame, we will all have to encounter God, in all of His glory.  We will never have control over the fact that we must see God one day.  For some, this is an absolutely amazing thing .. for others, this makes you uneasy.

My desire is that I would have the same confidence as Esther in knowing that my purpose here on Earth has been fulfilled in every way possible.. that as my life decreased, the Lord’s increased.   I anticipate the things He has in store for me.  Like Esther, I want to stomp on the enemy’s head as peace & joy encompass my innermost on my “death bed.”  More than anything in the world, I desire to please Him and to make Him known while I breathe.. everyday.  Feel free to hold me accountable to this statement.. considering it is a heavy statement I made and I don’t take it lightly.

“No eye has ever seen, no ear has heard what God has prepared for those who love Him” - one word: HEAVEN.  May we walk this road on earth faithfully, in a way that is worthy of this undeserved reward.  *smiles*  ..I desire to see Him for who He really is.. one day.

Hey.. let me close with this.. I actually never do this.. but it’s definitely worth the attempt.. if you do not personally know Jesus as Savior and if there is a restlessness in you to know more about who He is please, feel free to send me an email at sheraby248@gmail.com.  I would LOVE to share with you more about who He is.  I want you to have the same peace and confidence about Heaven.. knowing you will be there.. with Jesus one day.  There should be no fear in death.  As a true Christian, the moment we close our eyes physically is the moment the Lord will open up our spiritual eyes to see Him for who He really is – absent with the body is present with the Lord.  There is so much joy in that statement.  I can’t wait.  But yah, please please email me if you have any questions, doubts, or fears about Jesus.. salvation.. the Cross.. etc.

I love you guys.

It’s July!

Happy first day of July friends!!
My weekend was amazing.. blessed.. and humbling in various ways..
The conference was great.. I met some awesome ladies and young girls..
We discussed restoration and how the Lord is our ultimate Redeemer & Restorer..
Thanks God!

There’s absolutely no one like Him.. He searches for the broken and jaded, waiting to abide in them.. in turn, restoring them completely. Thanks for saying a word for me when I needed it most!  I definitely felt your prayers.  I had a few awkward moments, but of course, I think I am a magnet to them.. haha.. they just cling to me.. who knows.. I don’t know what life would be without them

I’m under the weather.. I’ve been this way since Sunday.. I think I caught something nasty.. so I’ve been drinking loads of hot tea and blending various fruits & greens smoothies this week to make sure I’m getting enough liquids, vitamins, and antioxidants. It’s difficult when I wake up in the morning.. that’s when my throat feels like a Brillo pad.. so uncomfortable and scratchy. Please pray for a quicker recovery!

This morning I heard a sermon by Matt Chandler and I LOVED what he said:

“Most of what is killing our Spiritual love for Jesus Christ is not morally sinful, but morally neutral.. we have given something that is not wicked or sinful an undue amount of position in our life and it’s robbing us of our affection for Jesus Christ. We’ve made good things “ultimate things”, robbing us of a desire & passion to follow Jesus.”

Thanks Pastor Matt!  Someone had to say it.  Seriously.  The level of neutrality and mediocrity within the Church is absolutely disgusting.  Compromising has hit a whole new level.  Most of the compromising isn’t occuring in black & white situations.. much of it is in gray areas.  The areas where we don’t necessarily see a “clear response” to things in the Word.. and the only thing I have to say to that is this.. get into the Word, it’ll transform your life, in turn, it’ll change your outlook on life and the way you live life.  I know the Cross is black & white.. the Gospel is black & white.. the love of the Lord is black & white.. that’s all I need to keep me from avoiding gray areas.

prayer request

Hi friends!  I’m teaching at a woman’s conference this weekend and I could desperately use your prayers..

The topic is restoration.. and what a tough one for me to speak on because it’s one I am currently walking in.. and how the Lord saw it fit for me to speak on this, definitely His hand!

Here is my prayer for the weekend:

(1)  first and foremost, that the glory of the Lord would hover over the conference.. the women and girls.. and it would spread into the community and not remain “inside” but go OUT to the world!

(2)  healing will take place in every area of life

(3)  i would hide behind the Cross.. even when it’s tough and my flesh wants out..

(4)  i would keep it real and be transparent ..and that these fears of inadequacy and “what will people think i am if they hear where i came from??” be removed

(5)  i desperately desire for eyes to be opened.. hearts to be softened.. and chains to be broken in result

(6)  people would come to Jesus and find eternal life in Him.. and only Him

(7)  a remnant would rise up in this conference reaching out to touch His hem, and that they would allow no one to stand in the way of that

Please join me and pray for all of these things.  Without y’all, I can’t do it.  I am ever so thankful that in my weaknesses (which is ever so present) His strength will manifest, because it’s a promise and He never goes against His Word.  I’m thankful for restoration, without it I wouldn’t be here typing these words.

I’ll be back after the conference and let y’all know how the Lord moved in Philadelphia among some awesome women!  Until then, I’m gonna take the next few days to spend in prayer and prepare..

Be free!

Erika’s Reason to Relay

Hey friends, I am posting this on behalf of my dear friend Erika.  As brothers & sisters in Christ, we are called to love, serve, and support.. so I pray this encourages you and blesses your socks off, as it totally did mine and it places in you a longing to serve those around you!  I felt the leading to post this on my blog because I know so many of you fall upon it and I desperately wanted to share with you about a man who changed Erika’s life.. so grab a cup of joe, pull up a chair, and keep your Kleenex in arm’s reach!  If you would like to find out more information or would love to support her by making a donation [in any way] in her fight against cancer, please go here: My Reason to Relay.  Remember, we are called to be a blessing.. in return, the Lord will graciously bless us!   Thanks!  Love y’all!   -Sheryl

My Reason to Relay: by Erika Lee Brewer

At four years old, I had no idea what “cancer” meant.

My mother had noticed a lump on the right side of my father’s neck in July of 1989. Neither of my parents were really concerned about it – they thought it was a harmless cyst.

My father had surgery that September to remove the “cyst.” What should have been a quick and easy surgery ended up lasting three hours. My mother knew that was a bad sign.

He was not diagnosed with cancer until October. The doctors did not figure out what kind until that January, when another tumor showed up, this time on the left side of his neck. The cancer was finally diagnosed as “Esthesioneuroblastoma.” In simple terms, the cancer was aggressive, originating between the bridge of his nose and his brain. He was a walking dead man.

That Christmas season was mostly spent in Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, Maryland. I remember the decorations that were put up all around the hospital. No one wants to spend their Christmas season in the hospital, but somehow, with carefully hung decorations, it managed to become a more joyful place.

In the hospital, there was a huge marble statue of Jesus with his arms outstretched. A sign underneath him quoted scripture: “Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” The statue is known as “Christus Consolator”- “The Divine Healer.” At four, I didn’t understand the concept of Christ as the great physician, but I did believe that Jesus loved me. And my Daddy.

I would walk around the hospital in my ruby red slippers. They were so beautiful. They were high heels made of red plastic that had sparkles embedded into them. I felt like a princess when I wore those slippers. One of my favorite things to do in the hospital was go down to the cafeteria to get chocolate milk. Between the enjoyment of my ruby red slippers and chocolate milk, it was easy to forget why I was there in the first place.

On a car ride home from Johns Hopkins one day, I began telling my mom about all the things my dad and I would do when he got well and came home from the hospital. My mother informed me that my father wasn’t going to get well. “What do you think that means?” my mom asked. I replied with an innocent but honest answer. “Die.”

On June eighth, I was brought to the hospital to say goodbye. I sat on his bed as my family stood in silence, lining the walls of the room that had become my father’s home. I sang the words of John 3:16 to him. “For God so loved the world, he gave his only son, that whosoever would believe in him would not perish but would have everlasting life.” A few years ago, someone told me that in that moment, I reminded them of a little angel. In the midst of heartbreak the presence of a child, naïve and innocent, became a reassurance of hope. Life does go on.

My father died three days later.

At the time, I did not grasp the gravity of our last moment together. I had no idea how much my world would change when I said goodbye to him.

________________________________________

I wrote the story above as a memoir in a journalism class during my junior year of college. My “Daddy Will” has been gone now for 19 years, and finding ways to remember him and the life he lived are difficult. All I have are a few home videos, and the memories of my family members. Participating in Relay is an opportunity to remember in action – in a way that will hopefully lead to the prevention and healing of other people. I don’t know that there is a better way to remember him than that.

-Erika

Operation Renavigation

“Gathering them together, He commanded them not to leave Jerusalem, but to wait for what the Father had promised, which, He said, “you heard of from Me; for John baptized with water, but you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days from now.”  So when they had come together, they were asking Him, saying, “Lord, is it at this time You are restoring the kingdom to Israel?”  He said to them, “it is not for you to know times or epochs which the Father has fixed by His own authority; but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you shall be My witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and even to the remotest part of the earth.” -Acts 1:4-8

Jesus is speaking to the apostles and He’s informing them of some awesome things that are about to occur in their lives with the help of the Holy Spirit.  The conversation is clearly going in 1 direction.. the destination seems pretty concrete.. and they’re literally receiving step-by-step guidance in how to go about the situation.. how can this conversation go wrong??  HA!  Have no fear.. humans are here.. insert verse 6 – “Lord, is it at this time You are restoring the kingdom to Israel?” Are they serious folks??  I think they sure are!  If I was there among the apostles, I may not have been one to vocalize what they said.. but I certainly would’ve thought it along with them.  Look at their one-track mind – Israel’s restoration.  Jesus is trying to discuss with them the “Greater Commission,” yet their heart and mind is on the knowledge of the things of the world. How many of us just sank in our chairs at the present moment realizing we do the exact same thing??

Throughout this whole conversation I think it’s amazing to see how the Lord never detours in thought or speech.  He gives them a slight rebuke in verse 7, but He goes right back to what He was originally saying to them.. informing them of the Holy Spirit and what they are to do.  As humans it’s easy to become distracted by the things of the world and pull our hair out trying to figure out His appointed time for various seasons in our lives.  Jesus says it so perfectly, “it is not for you to know times or epochs [events marked by time] which the Father has fixed by His own authority.” Did you catch that friends??  Who’s authority has all of this occurred under??  That’s right.  God’s.  His role is to be Sovereign over our lives and to ordain times and events to occur.  What is our role??  Ha.. to stay out of His role and to refrain from interfering, instead, we are to walk out the Greater Commission.

I love this passage in Acts because it’s a constant reminder of my humanity and His Sovereignty.  I’m so thankful that He is the One directing our conversations, because I am so A.D.D. and have the most ridiculous amount of “detour topics”, and without Him renavigating our conversation, I’d continue to spiral in the wrong direction.  Jesus, thank-You for crossing every t and dotting every i.  You are fascinated in every little detail of my life.. nothing goes untouched, and I love You all the more for it.

God, help us to renavigate our hearts and minds to Your calling for us.  We are not Home yet, although many of us live as though we are.  Shine light in the darkness of our ignorances and apathy and remove all our preconceived notions of the Greater Commission.  Allow us to live life with a greater understanding of Your Word and to not take lightly the Cross You’ve asked us to carry.  Thanks for choosing to converse with us even in our foolishness and one-track minds.  Who are we that You are even mindful of us??  *smiles*